By Local restaurant patron Doug Martin, who spent three hours drinking Coors Lights alone at the end of the Buffalo Wild Wings bar, was disappointed Saturday night by the insufficiently-hard performances on the night’s UFC card. Martin displayed visible agitation at the sight of a fighter tapping to signal his defeat when caught in an a chokehold by his opponent instead of “going out like a man.”
“See, look at this weak shit,” said Martin, who last month cried because he got a splinter in his thumb, as a fighter was defeated by a body kick and the subsequent 17 punches to the head and neck. “Look at that pussy falling over. He didn’t even hit him in the head and he falls down like he died! Dude is S-A-W-F-T, SAWFT!”
At press time, Martin was seen telling a man he had spilled a beer on to apologize and warning that his hands are registered with the state as deadly weapons.
