Controversial Study Finds Direct Link Between Sweet Leg Lock Skills and Being Right

Don’t believe us? Bet you wouldn’t say that on the mats.

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Researchers at the University of Michigan have rocked the scientific world with their latest published paper which claims they have identified a direct link between a person’s leg lock abilities and being correct across a variety of topics. The paper cites a strong correlation between the number of entries into inside sankaku a test subject knew and the veracity of all of their most deeply held beliefs which remained consistent regardless of the subject being discussed.

“This was obviously a shocking discovery for all of us,” Professor Jessica Peterson said at a press conference held to announce the results of the study. “In trial after trial, covering subject after subject, the results were the same. It doesn’t matter if you’re talking politics, epidemiology, civil rights, you name it — the results held. Ten times out of ten, the best indicator of who was correct in any disagreement was who could totally beat the shit out of the other person in a Jiu-Jitsu match. We thought that citing grappling talent to prove you’re right was just a sad play by small minded individuals, but this study proves otherwise.”

Professor Peterson noted that the study has been double checked by asking an area black belt if it sounded right to him, and added that he was wearing head-to-toe spandex at the time, so you know he’s right. In light of the revelation, the University of Michigan announced that it would be laying off all education staff immediately and beginning a search for sick leg lockers to fill the positions in order to properly serve the best interests of the student body.

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