Dominant Champion Moves to 267-0 On Strength of Supernatural Magnetic Attacks

UFC Heavyweight Champion Gordon McCarthy added another four victories to his record Saturday, effortlessly defeating Francis Ngannou, Stipe Miocic, Jon Jones and Curtis Blaydes, using his trademark focusing powers to send the title challengers into dramatic convulsions as they attempted to attack the champion. Jones appeared to have McCarthy in danger as the champion stood motionless in the center of the cage, allowing Jones to maneuver to his back and lock him up in bear hug, however, the challenger soon began to vibrate before dropping down to one knee and propelling himself backwards in a dramatic arc, handing McCarthy his fourth TKO of the night. McCarthy, who says he learned his techniques from a wise guru during a two year sabbatical in the rainforests of Japan, pushed back on complaints by competitors that his mystical skills represent an unfair advantage, noting that anyone could learn to harness their power by simply taking part in one of his weekend certification retreats and paying the $3,000 instructor licensing fee.