Optimistic BJJ Blue Belt Sure This Will Be the Time He Enjoys Olympic Judo

It’s like they’re two different sports or something.

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Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu blue belt and longtime mixed martial arts fan Preston Roberts tuned into the Judo competition at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics excited for the opportunity to enjoy world class grappling in an exciting sport, with no consideration for an unbroken streak of three straight Olympics of crushing boredom and disappointment. Roberts was once again shocked to discover that a fondness for groundwork and scrambling exchanges was not a strong base for taking pleasure in the format of Olympic-level Judo.

“I can’t believe we get a week straight of hours of elite grappling for free,” Roberts said before opening the replay of the first day’s brackets. “I hope nobody needs me for the next week because I am going to be capital-B Busy.”

Roberts was bitterly disappointed by his totally-unpredictable discovery that a rule set which highly prioritizes bailing to the stomach at the first sign of danger in the hands of the world’s best practitioners was not conducive to a match full of high-velocity throws and furious exchanges of position. Roberts has switched to watching the games’ Rugby Sevens competition, though sources close to the grappler say that he is extremely amped for Judo at the 2024 games.

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