As a leading and well-respected MMA news site, we naturally have made a lot of connections in the world of mixed martial arts that help us to do our job as journalistic representatives. So, that’s why we want to share with you our list of the five coolest fighters we are tots BFFs with.
1. The Fascist’s Friend
Does your life get impacted by what’s going on in political elections in another hemisphere? It sure doesn’t. What we do know, however, is this guy, last seen smiling and laughing with his country’s authoritarian leader while receiving a special commendation, also tells the funniest stories and smiles so big. Talk about a class act!
2. The Secret Predator
Oh man, this guy is just the greatest. He’s had us out at his gym so many times and taken part in our hilarious comedy videos, so you know he’s good people. While it’s true that we did hear he was fired from his last gym over sexual misconduct, no one has gone public with it yet, so it’s still totally cool that we run puff pieces on him every few months.
3. The Women’s Champion
Not only is this fighter our very near and dear personal friend, she’s also one of the greatest fighters on the face of the planet, racking up several years of utter dominance. If you want to learn more about her, you can check out one of our many articles, which each include up to 200 words and at least 15 bikini pictures from her Instagram. She has recently started an OnlyFans to help with bills while waiting for her seventh consecutive title defense, but we don’t think it would be cool to pay to see our friends naked, which is why we only look at those pictures which leak for free to the internet, and miss out on the rest out of respect.
4. The Open Bigot
When it comes to traffic jackpots, they don’t come more automatic than this fella. Whether he’s sharing imperialist fantasies of riding through his opponent’s town looking down on the miserable people who live there or explaining how it’s actually okay that he uses that word because of his great-great-great grandma’s uncle Steve on his mom’s side, you folks want to read about it. He even appeared on our podcast once, and we did our best numbers ever, so you know he is just the coolest.
5. The Old Hand
There are few legends as long and storied as this fella’s, and despite what all the fans keep calling for, he continues to add to it. It takes a special kind of tenacity to keep fighting when you’ve lost eight of your last nine bouts in a series of increasingly punishing bouts, and we, for one, won’t be joining the crowd of haters and losers calling for our buddy to hang it up. Not while he’s still got two legs with one half-good knee to stand on.
While these are our bestest of besties, we don’t want any of our many other friends we cover to feel left out. We still love you, too, and can’t wait for our next visit to your gym!