Oh, Fuck, Purple Belt Definitely Going to Ask You to Come to His Band’s Show

Sorry, it’s my mom’s birthday and we have a funeral for my grandpa who died from a rare and communicable disease I also now have. Later!

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Despite optimistic hopes that his current conversation would keep him distracted long enough for you to sneak out the door after class, purple belt Dave May just threw a hand up to flag you down and is for sure going to ask you to come see his band, Skeez Patrol, play this weekend. Warning signs were present all week, with May excitedly posting about the gig at your town’s Battle of the Bands, and now he’s going to invite you to an evening full of high schoolers, retired dad rock and May thrashing around the stage shirtless for two poorly-sung and vaguely recognizable songs.

May, who rarely goes a class without mentioning a riff he’s been mangling or about the new song he’s working on, is now wrapping up his chat with distraught-looking white belt Jessie Evans and heading this way. Balls. If only you had been honest last year when he joined the gym and asked you to check out his band’s SoundCloud, but no, you just had to be nice to the upper belt. Well, I hope you’re happy with yourself.

“Hey, my dude, you free this weekend?”

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