What If the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Did BJJ: What Ranks Would They Reach

More like CowIMBOLO, am I right?

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The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are famous for their martial arts prowess, using the moves they learn from Master Splinter to take down Shredder, his foot soldiers and the other various villains and ne’er do wells of the TMNT universe. This has led many to speculate on what rank each turtle would achieve were they competing as Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu practitioners. Our team has put in more than 100 hours of exhaustive study of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle footage in order to assess which belt each ninja turtle would tie around their waist.


Michelangelo is a party dude, but don’t let his relaxed attitude fool you. He kicks serious butt when given the opportunity!

Michelangelo would be a brown belt.


Leonardo is the leader of the group and you can expect him to be a leader on the mats. You know he’d be diligent in his training and have his technique on point!

Leonardo would be a brown belt.


Donatello is the brains of the operation, and what is Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu if not physical chess? He’d be sure to apply that big brain to excelling as a grappler.

Donatello would be a brown belt.


Raphael may be crude and rude, but Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is a contact sport, after all. For our money, we’d bank on him applying that attitude to be a real terror when you bump and slap.

Raphael would be a brown belt.

ED – As a diligent factchecker, I brought it to the attention of our writer that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are canonically 15, and the IBJJF does not allow for children to receive non-white adult belts, to which they replied, “ThE iBjJf DoEs NoT aLlOw FoR cHiLdReN tO rEcEiVe NoN-wHiTe AdUlT bElTs.”

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