Parents Reconsidering Little Hellions Program

Mistakes were made.

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Parents of students enrolled in the youth martial arts program, The Little Hellions, at Hampton Combat Academy are beginning to regret their decision to join. While it was initially believed the name for the program was simply a play on the nickname of the gym’s owner, local mixed martial arts champion Pyotr “The Hellion” Trevelyan, parents are now wondering if they should have given it maybe more than a second thought before choosing to willingly sign their children up to be Hellions. Our survey found near universal reports of increased antisocial behavior, aggression and just general assholery from the students, aged five to eight.

“I asked my daughter to feed her puppy and she responded, and I quote, ‘Make me, Karen,'” said Jessica Douglas, whose daughter has been enrolled in the program for one month. “I told her that it’s important for her puppy to eat regularly or else he might die and she looked me dead in the face and said that ‘we all die someday.'”

Trevelyan remains defiant in response to the criticism, noting that all of his classes were clearly advertised as ante-bullying, and that you will not find a better preparatory class for bullies anywhere in Minnesota. Trevelyan did offer a one-shot opportunity for parents to nullify their contracts with the gym, placing each student’s contract at one end of the mats and his army of snarling kindergarteners in the middle then inviting parents to rip up their contract should they so choose. Three parents attempted to traverse the gauntlet, and Trevelyan notes that nearly all of them still have all of their fingers.

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