After a brief but magnanimous exchange with UFC Welterweight Champion Kamaru Usman following their title fight rematch, Colby Covington let out a soft sigh before resuming the persona he plays as a racist, sexist loser who is mind-bogglingly cringe at all times. Covington, known in MMA circles for being the nicest and most tolerant person you’ve ever met as well as a fully-committed method-actor with a dedication to the craft unseen in anyone else, promptly took to the post-fight press conference with kayfabe firmly back in place.
“Listen here,” said Covington, dying a little more inside with each syllable, “KamSNOREu SNOOZEman is a roided-up enemy of the people, and anyone who thinks he won that fight is a virgin loser.”
Fans responded to the latest scene in Covington’s art piece with their usual casual indifference and vicarious embarrassment. Covington is eager for his next bout with GORGE Max-FAT-All and the ten seconds of escape awaiting him at the final horn. He is hopeful his wife, to whom he has been faithfully married for the last seven years, will be in the crowd to share meaningful eye contact during the ten seconds before Covington slips backstage to film a post-fight video flanked by two women in bikinis he paid to be there.