Long-time mixed martial arts enthusiast Blake Glennon pushed back on those ready to anoint Santa Claus as the real deal after a successful outing on Saturday. While the mystical toy-bringer wrapped up another holiday season having delivered presents to all the good little boys and girls of the world, Glennon was left unimpressed, citing a lack of decisiveness and minimal competition.
“Look,” said Glennon on Christmas morning as he examined the presents under his tree, “sure, he hasn’t lost yet, but honestly, what has he faced? Do you realize that half the world he delivers to he does in the summer? Last I checked, Christmas is a winter holiday. I get he has a big public persona and that’s valuable, but when are we gonna stop slow-walking this guy?”
Glennon also noted that real mythological beings are finishers, before pointing to a plate of cookies with a single bite out of it. While he acknowledged he might me warming up to the idea, he still needed to see what Claus’ plans were for 2022, before skeptically adding he was likely to try more of that soft, schedule-padding shit again.