Very Secure Man Angry at Instagram Story, the Concepts of Joy and Platonic Love

“So then I said, ‘I did not realize you had GORDON RYAN at your gym!'”

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Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt Travis “The Savage” Patterson has taken issue with the social media posts of another local gym whose students made indefensible claims such as “the most amazing teammates I could ever ask for” and “just the best damned gym with the best damned people in the world” on posts sharing a class picture to their Instagram stories. Patterson, a six-time NAGA black belt executive division participant with a 6-14 record as a mixed martial artist, immediately put these shameful acts of arrogance and bragging on notice.

“Best damned gym in THE WHOLE WORLD,” the man, himself an adult in his 40’s, text shouted in the caption of a post consisting entirely of screenshots of other recreational grapplers’ Instagram stories, “Um, I’m sorry, but maybe a Professor Johnathan Danaher, PHD would like to have a word? Let’s see how your best grapplers handle the best guys out of Atos. I mean, can you believe the absolute cheek of these people? First, finding people to train with who are kind and like them as people, and then being happy about it? Not on my fucking watch.”

Patterson further demanded that all statements made online related to the quality of gyms and grapplers, both absolute or relative, be supplemented with end citations or an acknowledgement of the lack thereof. We here at Mixed Martial Artish have decided to adopt this practice, due to Sensei Patterson’s standing as both a well-adjusted adult and talented martial artist. [citation needed]

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