A joint study between the clinical research and athletics departments at The College of New Jersey has conclusively found that every human on the planet significantly overestimates their ability when put into a fist fight situation. Researchers found that every single person, from your friend who makes self-conscious jokes about how incapable and frail they are to reigning UFC Heavyweight Champion Francis Ngannou, has a wildly inflated understanding of how well they can fight.
“We often say that everyone on the planet is unique and nothing is universal, but our research now disagrees with that assumption,” said head researcher Francis Carter. “No matter how capable you are, you think you’re even more so. No matter how incapable you think you are, you’re being optimistic.”
The press conference announcing the results of the study got heated as a journalist in attendance took umbrage with the assertion he actually wasn’t that tough. Carter, in response, offered to take things outside, where the lifelong scientist fancied himself a favorite to come out unharmed despite zero combat training, attributing his edge to having watched so many fights during the study, which “surely has to count for something against a fucking writer.”