Drunk Friend Trying to Grapple Again

Bro, it’s just, like, dude, like, you don’t even KNOW. You don’t even know.

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A casual night of catch-up drinks with your college friends is threatening to take a sour turn, as your inebriated friend is once again demanding that anyone and everyone take him on in a grappling match right here on the bar patio. Having had his usual mix of several rounds for the table and a series of shots “for that extra kick,” your friend, a 34-year-old father of three, is once again casting dismissive looks at neighboring tables and calling you and others at the table soft. Locals at the scene remain cautious, but are optimistic the situation will resolve peacefully as long as everyone agrees that the three BJJ classes he took in his twenties mean he would totally kick everyone there’s ass.

Reached for comment, your friend asked, “do you even know how much UFC I’ve watched, bro? What? What?!?!”

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