The United States Anti-Doping Agency has suspended light heavyweight Jimmy Crute for one year after the Australian tested positive for “dangerously high” levels of the Umbrella T-Virus. Crute had become the cause of much internet speculation after a recent Instagram post showed the kind of muscle growth and definition that fans felt nodded to something illicit.
Crute admitted to taking the virus, citing the transcendent effect it had on his body, but was not aware it was on the banned substance list. He said he began taking T-Virus after receiving it from a masked stranger with the most unusual eyes, who pulled Crute aside at the gym and offered “something that might interest [me].”
Crute remained defiant in the face of the suspension.
“Sure, I’m not human anymore, but just look at the power I’ve gained.”