Exciting news out of Las Vegas as UFC President Dana White and the Nevada State Athletic Commission have released a joint statement announcing the launch of the next big combat sport, Dana White’s Hammer Fighting Challenge. The sport features two combatants taking turns striking their seated opponent with a hammer until the weaker fighter quits or receives injuries requiring immediate medical intervention. The league promises unheard of levels of action, with 97% of unregulated hammer fighting bouts finished inside of :03 seconds, and a more meritorious ladder with favored fighters, who receive first blow privileges out of the red corner, winning a staggering 99.4% of all bouts.
“When I had the chance to get involved with hammer fighting it was a no brainer,” White said at a joint press-conference announcing the new league. “If you’re at a street corner and one side of the intersection has a baseball game, one a soccer game, one a fist fight and the fourth two guys fighting with hammers, you’re watching the hammers.”
Asked if they had any concerns about legalizing such a dangerous activity, NSAC representatives assured the assembled media they had full faith in White to build a roster deep enough that there will be no need to cancel any of the league’s events. They added that, with three weight divisions for men and “a smaller, lady hammer” for the women’s lone division, all fighters will be competing against fair opposition.