Cowardly King Cryin’ Takes Tummy Trouble Time-Out During Jiu-Jitsu Journalism Adjournment

These are the risks we take when we take time off.

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When the brave sentinels of journalistic excellence take a vacation, the door opens for ill-doers who would otherwise quake under the scrutinous eye of elite media professionals to instead behave in untoward ways. With Mixed Martial Artish staff on involuntary vacation last week, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu star Gordon Ryan saw fit to shuffle-walk his way through just such a door, withdrawing from his bout with Felipe Pena at the last minute with a bout of insufferably bad poops. Ryan and his army of alpha male fans were quick to note the very bad poops were legally and medically distinct from the very bad poops that have previously taken Ryan out of commission, and did not in any way make him a punk, coward or any other pejorative that may be fairly attached to anyone who withdraws from a bout against Ryan for any reason.

The newly-hired staff of Mixed Martial Artish would like to express our full and unequivocal disappointment in Mr. Ryan for taking advantage of this opportunity free of our critical gaze to act out at a time when we could not cover it, and request that he please maintain this approach for all future newsworthy actions, interviews and Instagram posts.

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