Removal of USADA Clears Way for Unbreakable Super Fighters Says Man Routinely Hospitalized by Own Colon

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Gordon Ryan, speaking from outside of a hospital bed as a rare treat for his fans, has responded with joy to the announcement that the UFC and USADA are parting ways. The grappling ace speculated this now frees up all athletes in the organization to get on the same gear regimen that has helped him become an unstoppably dominant force in the grappling world for the two months a year he can remain upright on his own two legs, and said he is excited to see how these high-performance athletes will now be able to better sculpt their physiques to match his own. Ryan is believed to have even more to say on the topic, however he was forced to take a break from his evangelizing about the positive benefits of shooting up in order to address an extreme case of very bad poops expected to keep him glued to the toilet for the next three to four days.

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