“Jake Paul Will Never Have Me In His Pocket,” Man Posting 700-word Comment Vows

“Actually, I Don’t Care at All: A Novel”

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Calling Jake Paul’s claims that he has played MMA fans like a fiddle “totally laughable,” MMA fan Matt Stones thoroughly affirmed that he was one fan Paul does not hold, has not held and will not ever hold any sway over in a comment on an MMA Weekly article featuring 742 words, one paragraph and zero commas. Affirming that he “doesn’t even think about Paul” and would never be caught dead caring about who he fights or when, Stones’ said that it doesn’t even matter, because Anderson Silva is going to kick his ass on October 29th, anyhow, and that will be the last any of us have to hear from him. Stones added Paul wouldn’t see a penny of his money, because he intended to watch the fights for free at bar that ordered them, before sharing the article to Facebook with the caption “Can you believe this fucking loser thinks we care about what he says and does?”

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